Day 1 of The Twelve Days of Fitmas: Focus more on what you have than what you lack

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! This is my favorite time of year! I love the Christmas season, and what a better time to help others then now? This is why, I decided to do the Twelve Days of Fitmas series again this year. It is my passion to help people better themselves through fitness and health, and so here I am addressing some of the questions that I’ve been getting a lot concerning fitness, and health, as well as general concerns that have been brought to my attention. I’ve decided to start the 12 Days of Fitmas with an article about focusing on the positives in your life rather than the negatives. For some reason, especially at Christmas time, even though it can be a very happy and generous time of year, it can sometimes be a time where people really take note of what is missing in their lives, rather than all the positive things that they have going on for them. This usually stems from some sort of comparison between you and the people you know. It’s a negative habit that I’m sure we have all been guilty of at some point or another, and sometimes, no matter how happy we may think we are, we cannot help but think about whether or not the grass is greener on the other side.

I cannot lie and say that I have never felt a little sorry for myself during Christmas because I didn’t have the things that I felt I deserved, or because I wasn’t where I thought I should be and so on, and so forth. I think a majority of us can maybe admit to this. It’s sad really, but I think there’s several reasons why this happens during this time of year. First of all, it’s the last month of the year, and a lot of us are reflecting upon the year past, and evaluating whether or not we had a “good year” or a “bad year,” and then making resolutions for the upcoming year. Self-reflection can be a very positive thing! However, it is only positive if you are only focusing on yourself. What you have accomplished? What you would like to do in the future? And where you should focus your energy in order to be the most happy? It becomes negative when you start to compare what you have done to the accomplishments of others. It is not productive to look to your peers as a way of measuring your own success! Believe me, I’ve been there, and honestly you don’t get anywhere with it. All you end up doing is overwhelming yourself with this feeling of being left behind. Once you get it in your head, that everyone seems to be doing better than you, or seems to be further along in life than you, all you can think about is what is missing, and not how to achieve the things you want. Sometimes external motivators can work, and seeing your peers work hard and do well, can motivate you to do the same. However, generally most of us don’t see the hard work that goes behind all of our peer’s success. Instead we see the edited Instagram, and Facebook posts of their success and it all just seems so easy. So, why don’t I have the same? And that is where the problem lies! It is so easy for us to forget how far our friend’s, or especially distant acquaintances, have come when we start to compare our lives to theirs. All we tend to see is the end result, and then we look at ourselves and wonder, why we don’t have the same?

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You will never be successful, or happy if you constantly compare your life and accomplishments to others’. First of all you need to appreciate where you are in your life, and understand why things are the way they are. There will always be someone who may be taller, thinner, prettier, wealthier, and so on. And there will be people who are in far worse circumstances than you. At the end of the day, none of these things will help you become a better and happier person. The only way you can be the best and happiest person that you can be, is by focusing on the positive things that you have in your life, or what I like to call your strengths, and growing those things. As for the things that no longer make you happy? Well, you need to take responsibility for the things that are no longer making you happy, whether it be your job, your body image, your health, your relationships, whatever it may be, and then begin to take the steps to making positive changes in the areas that make you the most unhappy. A lot of the time, it means getting rid of those things that make you most unhappy, and using your strengths to help you build a new you, or a new career, or better relationships with people who add value to your life.

Going online, flipping through Facebook and Instagram posts, and wondering why you don’t compare will only bring you deeper into a negative space. It will unmotivate you, and have you feeling inadequate, and insignificant. Christmas is a time of year where the online posts are rampant, people tend to over share during this time of year. This is why I have decided to write this as my first piece during the 12 Days of Fitmas. Take this time to focus on the people, and things that make you happy. Life is too short to constantly worry about what you don’t have. Focus on what you do have, it is powerful. You are much more powerful than you think. It is so easy for us to build up our friends, but we are the first person to cut ourselves down. Take some of your own advice my friends! Know that you are capable of great things, and even though 2016 is coming to an end 2017 is a new beginning with so many possibilities! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays! I hope this helps you during this time of year to be positive and fair to yourself. Your life isn’t over, and it is never too late to make a change for the better 🙂

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My Parents, my best friend and I at the Toronto Christmas Market November 20th, 2016

Honest Hard Work and Some Humble Pie Will Keep You On The Path To Success

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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about hard work, and what it means to be humble. This week especially, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on the hard work that I’ve put in this year. Maybe it’s because the year 2015 is almost at an end, or maybe it’s because I can’t help but feel that I’m on the brink of something amazing when it comes to my career? Either way, I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflection, planning, and some daydreaming LOL about what I want for my future, and all the exciting things yet to come!

Based on my experiences over this past year, and the amount of work I’ve poured into bodybuilding, as well as my career, I have never been so humbled. I honestly don’t think that I have ever worked so hard before in my whole life! I’m exhausted! I think I’ve said this before in a previous post, but really I am pooped! Last night I crashed so hard on my couch before 10 pm LOL I’ve been pouring my heart and soul into bodybuilding, as well as my career. Basically I am investing 110% of my energy on myself. I am building a life that I want to live, and damn it’s a lot of work!

Me after winning Second place in Figure Tall on October 10th 2015

I’ve realized what I need in my life to be happy, and I cannot rest until I have achieved these things. I need to be financially independent, I want to have my own place, I want to be a Pro-Bodybuilder, and I want to have a successful business/fitness career. These are the things that I need for myself, and my own happiness, and everyday I’ve been working tirelessly to achieve these things. Lately, I finally feel as if I’m making some traction on these goals, because for a while I was feeling like I was running, running, running, but I had no idea where I was going. Finally, I can start to see the direction that I’m heading in and it’s so exciting! I know that if I keep putting in the work, and trusting the process (and the universe), great things will happen. This belief in myself, in the universe/the process, is what keeps me going. I am confident that I can have all the things listed above and maybe more. This confidence grows every single day, because each day I learn something new, I meet someone awesome, and I grow a bit more. Basically everyday there is some sort of gain, everyday I’m making gains! LOL

Me this past Friday November 27th 7 weeks post show and still lean!

However, even though my confidence continues to grow each day, and I’m so proud of all that I have accomplished so far, I know I still have a long way to go. I know that I have a lot to learn, and I also know that I am nowhere near achieving my goals… I am so close, yet so far if you know what I mean? 😛 It is through my hard work, the blood, sweat, and tears, that I am humbled each and everyday. Why? Because I know that the work is never done. Tomorrow, I will wake up and I will still need to meal prep, train, and build my business. It never ends, you are never perfect, you are never done working, because there is always something you could be doing to make yourself better. I wake up with a passion for my career everyday, and it is this passion and drive that keeps me pushing no matter how tired I get. Yes, the work may never be over, but if you love the work you do, it becomes a labor of love. This doesn’t always change how hard the work is, but it definitely makes the work you put in so much more gratifying.

My First Zumba class of my new Fitness Business Fitness with Alex October 25th 2015

I wanted to write this piece because I really needed to get it off my chest. I wanted to let the world know that I am so humbled by my work, the people I’ve met, and the things that I’ve learned. Recently, the universe has brought so many people into my life that have been so helpful, genuine, and caring. It is these people that have lent me a helping hand, and have been a guiding light for me post-show as I work on building my career. I feel as though I am a sponge LOL Soaking up their advice, and guidance, and then applying it right away. If you really want to get somewhere in life, you need to first believe that you can get there, then you need to know that you don’t have all the tools to get you there, so you therefore, must go out and find them! You’d be surprised how many people are willing to help you, when they see you helping yourself! And that is key! You need to put in the work and invest in yourself, before you see anyone invest in you. But besides just working hard, you must humble yourself as well. You need to understand that you are not the best, you don’t know everything, and you have much to learn. That is the only way you will be able to open your ears, open your mind, and open your heart to all the positive, and relative support from your peers, and mentors. If you continue to work hard and stay humble, there is no reason for you not to be successful! This is because your work will pay off one day, and your humility will keep you grounded.

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My Zumba Dancers and I warming up before the Oakville Santa Claus Parade this past Saturday November 21st 2015

 

Top 5 negative behaviors that prevent you from really being happy

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Over the past weeks I’ve really been battling with various forms of negative behavior from various people all around me, and it really got me thinking about how exhausting negativity can be! Being negative, fearful, and/or hurtful to yourself and to others is like having an anvil strapped to your ankle, you’re sinking because of it, and pulling those who you care about the most down with you. Negativity sucks! LITERALLY! It’s like a Dementor (Harry Potter reference) sucking the life out of you, and everyone who really cares for you.

The more negative your are as a person, the more isolated and alone you become. This is why I am writing this blog post, because I truly believe that nobody really wants to be alone… At least not always and forever! So, here we go! I’ve touched on this subject a bit when I’ve talked about falling into a slump, or feeling lost and confused. However, this post is about when you’re down in the dumps and you’re having a hard time getting out. This is a wake up call from yours truly! We all go through hard times, but you can choose whether or not you’re going to be the victim of hard times or the victor… Which leads me to my first point:

  1. Playing the Victim: This gets old real fast, and to be honest pity will not get you anywhere in life. Yes, sometimes real terrible things happen to us, and sometimes it takes a long time to heal. I understand that! Especially, if there’s been some emotional, psychological, or even physical trauma. Some things just never really go away! However, how you choose to deal with these situations, not only speak to the strength of your character, but it will have a dramatic affect on your life. But tragedies aside, there are way too many people out there that use their past as an excuse for their current behavior. At some point, you need to make peace with your past and move on! Constantly bringing up the past, and how hard your life has been, or how wronged you’ve been in the past, will not change it. We cannot change whatever may have happened to you. The only thing that can be done really, is to find some sort of closure, and move on! Some things are harder to overcome than others, so if you need help, seek it out! There are plenty of resources out there to help you deal with your past, so use them! Because when you’re stuck in the past, you can never move forward, and eventually you’ll start to feel like everyone is bypassing you in life, and you’re just stuck in one place. Negativity feeds negativity, so if you’re constantly holding onto your hurt, and pain, you will only cause yourself more hurt and pain…
  2. Stop Comparing yourself to others!! Envy is a really ugly thing. When you’re envious, it means that you want what someone else has, and you resent them for having it in the first place. When you start comparing yourself to others, and saying things like, “Why can’t I have what she/he has? What makes them so special? I swear I’m so much better than them, why do they have it so easy?” The only thing you’re doing is punishing yourself for not being good enough. You’re telling yourself that you suck, and that everyone else is better than you because their Instagram and Facebook profiles tell you so. Their lives seem so much more glamorous, because they’re in Europe drinking wine by the bottle, and you’re sitting at home in sweats “liking” their photos while talking shit behind their backs about how they even got to Europe in the first place… “Of course she’s in Europe LOL her daddy pays for everything… wish I had parents like that!” WHY?!?! What is the point?! Is doing this going to get you to Europe? NO! When was the last time you spoke to this person? Do you really know what their life is like? Probably not, and even if you had any idea, is it really your business? NO! Sulking about how other people have what you don’t have will NEVER get you what you want! And at the end of the day, you sound like a spoiled brat LOL So stop it already! If you really want something, you need to go out and get it! Believe that you can have the things you want, that you deserve to be happy, and stop thinking that you suck! Easier said than done I know, but if you start to visualize and create goals for yourself, then start working towards the things you want, it gives you a sense of confidence and purpose. When we have a purpose in our lives, we have less time to think about what other people are doing! This will make you a happier person, and who knows?!?! Maybe somebody else is on your Instagram thinking the very same thing you used to think about someone else!
  3. Self-loathing, this ties into my last point about envy. Generally people who are envious of others are not happy with themselves. They don’t like themselves very much, so they punish themselves by comparing themselves to others, telling themselves that they’re not good enough, that they’ll never amount to anything, and that they will never be happy. Why? Well people who don’t like themselves ultimately believe that they don’t deserve any of those things. Please stop hating yourself so much! You are your own worst enemy and if you want love, and if you want happiness, you need to start with yourself! Hating yourself only causes you more pain, and loneliness. Let me tell you something, everyone on this earth has a purpose, we are all meant to be here! You mean something to someone, believe that! How do you expect to get anywhere in life if you keep cutting yourself down? By hating who you are, you are putting yourself in a corner, and keeping yourself there so no one will notice you. People will pass you by, which will only make you feel more angry and resentful towards yourself, and others. This just isolates you more, and has you sinking further and further away from the people you love and the things in life that you want most. You need to start treating yourself like a human being! Self-deprivation and self loathing is not positive or productive. Telling yourself that you’re fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, will not make you thinner, prettier, or smarter. And if you’re constantly saying these things to yourself, you are only making it more OK for someone else to call you these things! Plus if you treat yourself like shit, what’s stopping someone else from doing the same to you? If you want the best, then you need to start first, by treating yourself like you deserve the best. YOU are the most important person in YOUR life, so please treat yourself that way! That is the only way that you will have success in anything you do, including your relationships! John-Lennon_LiFE
  4. This quote from John Lennon leads me to my next point about fear. Fear is not a behavior, it is an emotion that ultimately impacts our behavior negatively. Fear actually causes us to participate in all the behaviors listed above. It is our fear of inadequacy, of love/intimacy. of failure, whatever, these fears lead us to loneliness, and unhappiness. Ultimately, our fears create this self-fulling proficy where what we fear the most ends up being what manifests in our lives. If we keep focusing on the negative, and what scares us the most, then those are the things that will happen to us. This just reinforces our fears, and our negative beliefs about ourselves, and the world we live in. If you’re tired of feeling like shit, and living a life that makes you unhappy, then you need to let go of a lot of your fears. It is OK to be scared, we’re human after all! But you need to use your fears to drive you, not hold you down. Again this is easier said than done! If you’re finding that you’re having a lot of trouble letting go of your fears, there are plenty of resources out there that can help! I am a major advocate of reaching out for help when you need it most! There is no shame in admitting that you can’t do something on your own. Again, we’re human! We are not made perfect, and we don’t know everything! And chances are, if you’re unhappy, and have been unhappy for a while, you probably don’t have the tools you need to get out of it. That’s OK! Mentors, coaches, therapists, trainers, counsellors, these are all people who exist to help elevate you as a person, use them! They are professionals that are trained to help you! They can help you find the tools you need to get you out of your funk, and to help prevent you from slipping back into a depression or slump in the future!
  5. Which brings me to my very last two behaviors that keep you from happiness, and those are shame and guilt. I grouped these two together because they really do feed into one another. Actually, all of these emotions, and behaviors listed above feed into one another. They all come from fear, they fester in our brains, and grow like bacteria, until fear and this sort of behavior is all that we know. It’s sad really, and it happens way too often. Fear turns you into an ugly person from the inside that nobody wants to be around. Fear, and the behaviors that come from it, isolate you, prevent you from having meaningful relationships, from being successful, and ultimately, it keeps you from being happy. Shame and guilt make you feel dirty and wrong. They force you to hide from others, and put you further into isolation. Your feelings of shame and guilt can come from anything. It could be a mistake that you made in your life that you’re still punishing yourself for. It could come from your self-loathing, where you hate who you are and where you are in your life, so you feel ashamed for not being more accomplished etc No matter where your shame and guilt come from, it only keeps you deep inside this black hole of unhappiness, fear, and regret.Shame and guilt, like self-loathing, is another form of punishment. You are punishing yourself for whatever reason, but at some point you’re going to have to accept whatever you did, or whatever happened, and forgive yourself. You will never be happy, or have the things you want, if you don’t allow yourself to. You are the beginning and the end of your own happiness. That is really what this whole post is about. You create your own happiness, just like you can create your own demise. The choice is yours.

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