How to make your goals a reality

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Last week I wrote a piece about New Years Resolutions, and how you should pick your goals not based on what you think you should do, or have, but based on what makes you happy. If you haven’t read that piece yet, I highly suggest that you do; because in a way this is a part two to that article. New Year’s Resolutions should be based on what makes you happy, and not based on what you think you should have… However, if you’ve read that piece? Awesome! But either way, I’m sure you will find this second article helpful. It has been just over a full week into 2018, and I have to say that I have never felt more productive! I haven’t taken so much time to focus on myself and my happiness in a really long time! Even though it’s been just over a week, I feel like I’ve already accomplished so much, even if it doesn’t really show on paper. How can that be? Well that’s basically what this article is about. So far, I have laid down the foundation to turn my goals, intentions, and resolutions into reality, and now I’m going to show you how you can do the same!

First of all, in order to make your goals and intentions for 2018 a reality, you must first figure out what those are. You need to set some time aside to reflect and do a little soul searching. Over the Christmas Holidays and into the New Year, I have done a lot of soul searching, I literally did a Soul Map. The blog where I found the Soul Map was recommended to me by a very close friend of mine, it’s called Love Warrior by Catie Fenn. The Soul Map was an excellent way to get me thinking about 2018 in a very productive way. It forced me to really reflect on my current life, the life that I wanted for myself, and the gap between the two. It was definitely an intense and emotional experience, but it was well worth it. It is really hard to be completely honest with yourself. We don’t really take the time to self-reflect and to be alone with our thoughts because we’re afraid. We’re afraid of the truth. It is in your own heart where you will find your own truth. You know yourself, and what you need more than anyone else, and you know how to get those things. The problem however, is trusting yourself. There are quite a few of us, myself included, who have lied to ourselves about who we are, and what we are capable of. We have told ourselves false stories to “protect” ourselves from failing, but that never moves us forward! And that, in itself is failing!

Now, some of us have been telling ourselves lies for so long that we don’t know what the truth is anymore, and no matter how much other people try to remind us of that truth, it’s really hard to believe, and it’s really hard to accept. It’s funny, this is a direct quote from me to a close friend about 3 years ago, “I wish you could see yourself, how I see you…” Oh how the tables have turned! If you are having a hard time being positive towards yourself, there is no shame in asking for help! Another thing I have learned personally. This is me finally taking my own advice… Self reflection is very important to setting your goals and intentions, however, your self reflection cannot be self-destructive! That is counter productive. There is nothing wrong with admitting your faults. In fact, it is quite healthy. The key is to not dwell on your mistakes. Forgiveness takes time, especially when it is towards yourself, but the only way to get to a point of acceptance, is to understand that whatever mistakes you have made in the past happened for a reason. For whatever reason, you weren’t ready, and that’s okay. Now, you know where you went wrong, and that is the first step in making it better for the future. You can no longer focus on the what ifs, or should haves, you need to focus on the present moment. This is a lesson I’ve learned over the Christmas Holidays, and more importantly, on New Year’s Eve. New Year’s Eve was when I let go of the tremendous amount of guilt I was feeling. I was feeling guilty about the mistakes I’ve made in the past, and how dishonest I’ve been to myself, and those around me.Letting those feelings go has been a major step for me to start thinking about the future. What can I do today to move towards happiness, self-acceptance, and forgiveness? These are the questions that you should be asking yourself during your time of reflection.

Now that you have done the Soul Map, or whatever form of self-reflection that you find helpful, you can start to form your intention for 2018. What do you want to see happen for yourself in 2018? Your intention will help you figure out your goals for the year to come. Your goals will reinforce your intention for the year, and your intention for the year will reinforce your goals. Your intention is your “why” behind your goals, it is your purpose. We all need a purpose or a reason why. It is our purpose that gives us meaning in our lives, and helps us to discover why our goals are so important to us, and therefore, will help us to carry out these goals even when it gets tough. For me, my intention for 2018 is to “rediscover myself and my power.” My ideal self is someone people can rely on. I get so much joy in helping others. I have realized though, that I can’t help anyone until I am able to help myself. Hence my intention, rediscover myself and my power. It is when I feel the most powerful, that I can do the most good for others.

How do I get myself feeling powerful? This is where I developed a to do list for 2018, as well as concrete goals and action steps to help me live out my intention of re-discovering my power. A tool that really helped me with this, was from this workshop that I did this past Saturday; we did this chart where we placed our “life buckets” career development, financial health, emotional and mental health, physical health, relationships, and intentional living in order from what we think needs the most focus in 2018 or what we think is the most important to us in 2018. Then we set an intention for each of our life buckets. Since I already thought about a lot of these things, it was a lot easier for me to order my life buckets and for me to set an intention for each of them. After we set our intention for each bucket, we then set a S.M.A.R.T goal for each bucket for next week, then next month, then a goal for the next 6 months, and finally next year. What is a S.M.A.R.T goal? It is Specific; meaning it is well defined, and it is directly related to your intention. It is Measurable; you need to know when you’ve reached this goal, so you should have a framework of some sort in place to keep track of your progress. Achievable; you need to figure out how you’re going to achieve this goal? What are the action steps you are going to take to make this goal a reality? Relevant; this is the why to your “how.” Why is the action you’re planning going to bring you closer to your intention? Time bound; it is important to set a deadline for your goal. Make sure you give yourself enough time, but not too long, that you forget about it. Looking at the goals and the to-do list that I’ve made already and adapting the S.M.A.R.T formula to them, really helped me gain focus. It also made me feel so much better about being able to complete my goals for 2018. The workshop that I went to was FREE (awesome!) and it was called How to: Ditch the Resolutions & #livealittlextra in 2018 by Brittnei Gaudio, who is the founder of #itsalifestyle. I would definitely check her out if you live in the Toronto area and you would like a little help mapping out your year. It can be very overwhelming thinking about all the things you want to change in the New Year, but by breaking your goals down into smaller goals, with an action plan, and timeline to complete them, makes everything seem so much more manageable!

Another very helpful tool that I was given by Brittnei Gaudio, was Gretchen Rubin’s Quiz: The Four Tendencies. This quiz was based off her book The Four Tendencies. I’m currently reading Gretchen’s book The Happiness Project, and after taking this quiz I have put this book at the top of my reading list! Once you’ve completed the quiz, you will find out what your tendency is, and you will be given a free detailed report on your tendency as well. After completing this quiz and finding out that my tendency was “Obliger,” (not that this was a surprise to me) but it really got me thinking about how I have used this to my advantage in the past, and how it has been a hindered me as well. The Four Tendencies best describe how we respond to expectations. As an obliger, I tend to be better at meeting outer expectations, than inner expectations. This makes a lot of sense to me; I have a really hard time saying “No” to people and it is also a big reason why I have become so unhappy recently. It is so much easier for me to take care of others, and to meet their expectations of me, then it is for me to do the things I know I need to be doing for myself (especially if these things seem daunting or hard).”Obliger: I do what I have to do. I don’t want to let others down, but I may let myself down,” quote from my free tendency report. This may seem pretty terrible, but it doesn’t have to be. I like helping others, but I also know that I need to be able to help myself first so that I can better help others.

Now that I know my tendency, I can better motivate myself to do the things that I want to do. As an obliger, no matter how badly I want to do something for myself, it won’t happen unless I adapt an “accountability strategy.” When I look back to times when I was most successful at following through with my goals, I was very aware of my tendency, without having put a name to it. For example, when I competed in bodybuilding, I had a lot of external sources of accountability that kept me on track, and eventually got me to my second place win! I had a coach who checked in with me every week. We both posted photo updates of my progress on social media, so I had the online community holding me accountable. I also expressed my wishes to compete to all my friends and family. I constantly reminded them of my show date, not only because I wanted them all to be there to cheer me on, but because it also helped me stay motivated. I knew that all the people who matter most were going to be there, and I had to win! Not only for myself but for them as well (I wanted to give them something to celebrate). I literally let anyone I possibly could know about my intentions to win my bodybuilding competition, I wrote about it on this blog, I talked about it with my clients, my group fitness classes, anyone who would listen. This all helped me do the best that I possibly could, because in my mind all these people cared about my competition. In reality, they probably didn’t (at least not everyone cared), but that really doesn’t matter. To me they cared, and because I thought they were watching, I was diligent about doing everything possible to be successful. I even went to the Wayhome Music Festival and packed all of my competition diet food! I was so proud of myself the day of my show, I already felt like I won, and after prejudging, I knew I was between first and second place. I was over the moon because I set my sights on something, and I obsessively worked towards it until the very end. For me, I need to talk about my intentions with others ALL THE TIME. I need EVERYONE to know exactly what I plan to do, and how I’m going to do it. Then I go out, and do the things I told everyone I was going to do.

My advice to you is to is to find out what you want for yourself this year. Create an intention for yourself, and then use that intention to figure out what your goals are for this year. Make sure that your goals are S.M.A.R.T! Once you have your why, and your action steps for the year, figure out what your tendency is, how do you respond to inner and outer expectations? Once you know what your tendency is, reflect on that. Try to remember times when you were most successful, what did you do then that got you to your goals? What strategies did you implement for you to be successful? Now that you know what you want, what you’re going to do to get what you want, and how you’re going to do it, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be successful! I have come to realize that your greatest strengths aka tendencies can also be your greatest weakness. The key is to understand this, and use your strengths to your advantage. I know that I am an obliger, and as such, I have created a large network of people who I can rely on. They are the same people who I have told my goals to, and have asked to check in on me regularly to make sure that I achieve these goals in 2018. I need to be held accountable to myself, and I need help doing that. This is another reason why I’m writing this blog; so that I may be able to help someone else while also helping myself.

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Quote from Oh The Places You’ll Go ❤ So many nuggets of truth in that book! 

https://www.surveygizmo.com/s3/3706759/Gretchen-Rubin-s-Quiz-The-Four-Tendencies

New Year’s Resolutions should be based on what makes you happy, and not based on what you think you should have…

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Happy New Year! It’s officially 2018 and many of us have done some reflecting on the year past, and I’m sure many of us are now looking forward to the new year and all the possibilities that it brings. You don’t really need New Year’s Eve to decide to make a change in your life, but since many of us have decided to at least think about some of the things we want to see in 2018 (many of these things being fitness related) I decided to write a post that may help you with some of your fitness resolutions or your resolutions in general.

Over the past few months, but especially over the Christmas Holidays, I have been doing a lot of reflecting myself. I have thought a lot about the things that I want in my life, how I am currently living my life, and the gap between these two things. My intention for 2018 is to close the gap. However, I have also realized that if happiness is something that you ultimately want to achieve, losing 10 lbs, or getting that new job, won’t necessarily bring you the happiness that you desire. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more for yourself. You should always strive for personal growth, but it is the growth itself that brings joy, not the tangible goals. This is something that I’ve been learning, something that I couldn’t get out of my head last night. The lyrics from the song Love Yourz by J.Cole, “no such thing as a life that’s better than yours, no such things as a life that’s better than yours, no such thing, no such thing…” kept playing in my head over and over again. I literally had to apply some meditative breathing to slow down my thoughts so that I could actually get some rest. J.Cole is one of my favorite rappers. I love his music and his message, and I especially love this song. I think it’s such an important message, one that I think we need to keep reminding ourselves of. Most rappers flaunt all the things they have, as if that is important, and then you have J.Cole telling you that none of that really matters, because there’s always going to be someone out there who seems to have more than what you have. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and you’re never going to be happy until you love and appreciate the things you do have. When you are unhappy, or if you feel like you could be more happy, it’s easy to look to social media and think about all the things you don’t have. This will only keep you unhappy. “Comparison is the thief of joy,” as they say.

Social media only shows the glamour, all you see is “success” but you rarely see the struggle. You rarely see the journey that it took to get to that point. Referencing the same song Love Yourz “there’s beauty in the struggle…” This may seem hard to believe because so much of us are so focused on the end goal. We are so focused on having the perfect body, the perfect partner, the perfect life. It seems like we are always looking to others to fulfill ourselves, as if someone else has a better idea of how we can be a better/happier person. When you look at Instagram for example, it seems like these people have perfect lives, and perfect bodies. All you see are these beautifully presented dishes of healthy food, with these beautiful backdrops. It all looks so good! Who wouldn’t want that?! But no one ever really questions whether or not they really need those things to truly be happy? Instead, we are constantly focusing on the things we lack. I’m not saying that social media is all evil. It certainly is not! It’s a great place for us to connect with one another, to share ideas, and to lift each other up. It all depends on how the platform is used. It’s not the tool itself that’s bad, but it is how we use this tool, our intentions behind it. Constantly looking at your phone at beautiful images of other people is not going to change your life. You can most definitely learn from other people, but they cannot fix your problems, they can’t make you a happy person. Also, posting images of only the beautiful parts of your life is not going to mask the things that you are not happy with. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t celebrate the positives in your life. You most definitely should! All I’m saying is that running away from the things that scare you will not make them disappear. It’s very easy to pretend on social media, but what happens on Instagram or Facebook really doesn’t matter. For the most part, what we see on social media really doesn’t change our lives, only we have the power to change our lives.

It’s funny, I recently started reading this book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, and on the fourth page I already found a nugget of truth that really spoke to me, “they say that people teach what they need to learn.” I read this line on the Go train yesterday and had a moment of realization. I am constantly teaching others to love and accept themselves. I’m constantly motivating others to be the best version of themselves, when I should really be doing that for myself. I’m always seeing the potential in others and doing all that I can to help those people realize that for themselves, but what about me? A quote from Alice in Wonderland, “she gave herself very good advice, though she very seldom followed it.” Here I am at the brink of 2018 feeling a huge amount of guilt because I know that I haven’t been the person I know I am. It was a huge weight sitting on my chest, it felt as though I couldn’t breath. Literally, just before midnight I had a breakdown. Thank God for my friends who were there for me, who helped me realize that I need to let this all go. I need to forgive myself for my mistakes, and I need to move on in order to be happy. I need to trust myself more. I know all there is to know about being happy because I’ve experienced it before. I know what makes me feel the most fulfilled. I know myself through and through, and I know that lately I have been lying to myself. So much so, that I’ve learned to not trust myself anymore. Now I find myself in a place where I don’t recognize who I am anymore. My intention for 2018 is to rediscover myself and my power, because I know that I am a strong and powerful person.

Now you may be asking yourself, why is she telling me all this stuff? What does any of this have to do with health and fitness? What does any of this have to do with my own resolutions and goals? First of all, I’m telling you all this because I felt like this was a big step in me being honest with myself, and being honest with the people who care about me most. I have not been as happy or motivated as I have been in the past. My life isn’t bad, but it’s not where I want to be, and I’ve come to realize that, that is okay. I may not be the person who I aspire to be yet, but that does not mean it’s impossible. I am everything that I need to be right now, and once I believe that completely there is nothing that I can’t do. I hope that this helps some of you realize the same thing. You are smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, you are enough, and your life is enough. You have everything you need to be happy, and if you don’t, then you have the ability to change that.

What does this have to do with health and fitness? Your health and well-being is linked to your overall happiness. You will never have happiness if you don’t take care of your needs. Everyone has different physical, psychological, and emotional needs that need to be met on a daily basis in order to be happy. So, if happiness is the ultimate goal in life? Then you need to choose your fitness goals accordingly. Looking “perfect” won’t necessarily bring you happiness. Speaking from personal experience, I’ve done two bodybuilding shows, and at my second show I won second place. Looking back, I realize that it wasn’t the show itself that brought me happiness, or the body that I had. I mean I looked awesome, and that made me feel good, but, I didn’t love the things I had to do in order to achieve the condition I needed to be in for the stage, which is probably why I don’t plan on returning to the stage any time soon. But I did love all the things my body could do. I loved the challenge of prepping for a show. I loved the fact that I was taking time to take care of myself everyday. I wanted to win! And in order to win, I had to make myself a priority. I had to have all my meals prepped, I had to workout twice a day, and in order to do all of that I had to make a schedule and stick to it. This got me to be more organized, and productive. I loved that my show was an excuse for all my favorite people to come and support me, and celebrate with me. Even though they would have done this regardless of what I was doing. So, if you think about it? I loved all the byproducts that came from doing a show, not necessarily the show itself. The lesson that I’m trying to share with all of you is this: when you make yourself a priority and you take care of your needs first, you are more likely to be happy. And when you’re happy, you are better able to help make others happy as well.

This is a lesson that I am re-learning. I have allowed life and circumstance to get the best of me, and because of that I haven’t been meeting my needs in order to be happy. I haven’t been working out everyday. I haven’t had all my meals planned and prepped. I haven’t been as organized as I normally am, and therefore I haven’t been as  productive as I could be. The list goes on. However, I know how to do all of these things. I have done them before, and I know that I need these things in order to be happy. I need to feel productive, healthy, strong, and accomplished in order to be happy. I need to be around friends and family. I need to have fun, and let loose. I can go on and on, but basically for my New Years Resolutions this year, I do still have tangible goals that I want to achieve, however, I’m focusing more on my intentions for this year. What do I want to see happen for myself this year? Like I said earlier, I want to rediscover my power. Working out everyday, eating food that I’ve prepared that is healthy, setting a schedule and sticking to it, getting enough sleep, challenging myself in and out of my career, being with my friends and family, all of these things make me feel powerful. When I feel powerful, I feel like myself, and that is when I am the most happy. I like to think of myself as a fighter, and that is what I intend to be by the end of 2018. Best of luck with your own personal goals and intentions, but my advice to you (and to myself) is to love yours. Love yourself, love your life, be grateful for all that you have and for all that is to come. There’s no such thing as a life that’s better than yours, and you only get one, so once you believe that, you can be happy.

 

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Crossing over into 2018 with some of the people I admire most ❤

 

 

You are your own Parent, No one can make you do anything except for yourself!

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It’s ironic that I’ve been meaning to write a blog post about motivation, but could not bring myself to do it until now. To be more committed to my blog this year was one of my New Years Resolutions. I started off writing pretty consistently, but then sure enough I began to lose my motivation. Motivation is a very fickle thing, and it is something that companies, human resources departments, life coaches, personal trainers, and so on are all trying to master and figure out. The thing is, it is very difficult to keep someone motivated, even if it is purely for their own benefit.

As a personal trainer, it has often been assumed by some of my clients, that somehow I will make them want to workout. This however, is far from the truth. In reality, I will be of most use to someone who is already motivated to workout. As the saying goes, you can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. There is a reason why this cliche is used so often! If someone is already motivated to workout, the job of the personal trainer is to teach, and perfect that person’s training techniques. Teach them new routines, and help them reach the goals that they were already motivated to reach on their own! The key to any professional who’s job is to help improve the lives of others, like a personal trainer, a dietition, a therapist, and so on, is that they are only of use if that person is already motivated to go through the difficult task of changing their lives! No one can make someone WANT to do anything! Especially if it’s going to be unpleasant! Personal growth of any kind is unpleasant sometimes. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. These are what I like to call growing pains. The benefits of growing as a person are tremendous! We are living things, and we are meant to continue to learn and grow! People are the happiest when they feel as if they are living up to their potential, when they feel as though they are living their lives fully. However, this is not the case for a lot of people. Instead a lot of people live a life of complacency, where things are just “fine.” Where they are living on autopilot, going about their daily routines, and nothing really changes. It’s comfortable, but it gets boring, and therefore it gets sad.

This may sound dramatic to you, but it’s really not. If we all took the time to reflect on our lives, there will be something that has always been on your “to-do list” but you can never seem to get around to doing it. This could be finding a new job, loosing some weight, working out on a regular basis, getting out of a unhealthy relationship, going on that dream vacation, the list can go on forever. A lot of times, people live their lives on autopilot for so long, not really taking control over the things that don’t make them happy until their unhappiness is unavoidable. For some reason, a lot of us convince ourselves that we’re “fine,” that maybe having the body you’ve always wanted is not meant for you. That you’re fine with the body you have, or that maybe you can live with the job you have, it’s paying the bills, so you’ll just stay. There is nothing wrong with being okay with your body, whatever it may look like, or for staying in the same position for years, if it makes you happy. But happy, proud, and content, are not the same as “fine.” A lot of times when we avoid the things we know we should change, we lead ourselves to our own “rock bottom.” This is different for everyone, rock bottom for one person could be loosing their job, declaring bankruptcy, having a major heart attack or health scare, divorce, whatever! It may not even be that drastic for someone to realize that something has got to give.

In fact, that is what I’m trying to get us all to realize! When we were children, it was the responsibility of our parents, guardians, and teachers to parent us. Whether or not they were successful at this is another story. Generally speaking, when we were children the goal of our parents and guardians was to nurture us and to force us to do the things we didn’t want to do, so that we could grow into responsible adults. Now, it is our job to be the responsible adults our parents intended us to be, and to take care of ourselves! To make ourselves do the “uncomfortable things” like eat our vegetables, have at least three square meals a day, go to bed on time and to wake up on time (basically set yourself a regular sleeping routine) do your homework aka get your work projects done on time, and the list goes on. In fact, it is quite obvious that now as an adult, your responsibilities have grown. There is more that you are expected to do on a regular basis, but in order to do all of these things successfully, you have to force yourself to do them! No one is going to make you go to bed at a decent hour so that you had enough sleep to tackle your work day, make yourself healthy meals, and to have enough energy to workout, read, or do anything else that contributes to your overall well being, happiness, and growth.

When I was a kid, I lived a very good life. My parents cared a lot about me and my sisters. They put a lot of work into parenting us, because they cared and still care so, so much. I definitely find them to be a little overbearing sometimes, but at the end of the day I know I am very blessed to have them as my parents, because they taught me a lot about being a responsible adult. They would take me to my after school activities like swimming lessons, and dance lessons. They would make me do learning books in the summer, practice my cursive writing, and play educational games like “Jumpstart Grade 3,” all in the hopes that it would help me grow into a better person. Whether or not I always lived up to these standards as I became an adult is a different story. I will say though, that I am the most happy when I feel as though I am being productive. When I feel like I am living up to my potential, chasing my dreams, and kicking butt! When I am going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday, working out everyday, eating well (food that I have made myself too), being fiscally responsible, working hard at my job, reading, writing my blog, and making time for my friends. This is when I feel like superwoman! Like I can do anything, and everything is possible. This is when I am the most happy, the most positive, and the most energetic. However, this is a lot of work. It is a lot of self-parenting, and sometimes I fall off the wagon. For whatever reason, one or two of these items start to slip away, and eventually if I let it go on too long, some other things start to dwindle, and I start to not feel like myself. I start to loose my energy, and my happiness. I start to feel stuck. I’m sure a lot of us know what this feeling is. We have all felt this way when we have stopped parenting ourselves. When we have lost our motivation, and we are no longer forcing ourselves to get uncomfortable anymore. When we stop forcing ourselves to get uncomfortable, we stop growing. Our lives become complacent, and we start to get bored. Your parents aren’t around to sign you up for that yoga class that you’ve been meaning to try, or to talk to your boss about your performance and to ask them for a raise. That is all up to you now. It sucks, but it’s true. If you want something in your life, if you want to be better, or to have more, you have to force yourself out of bed, and to do the uncomfortable work that is takes to get those things.

Believe it or not, eventually the things that you thought we hard or “uncomfortable” will become second nature, maybe even enjoyable? It really is a mindset. Eating well, working out, learning outside of work, these can all be very fulfilling. The only thing is, you have to get yourself to do them. You will never benefit from these things unless you force yourself to do them on a regular basis. Give yourself all of the gifts that your parents (hopefully) gave you growing up. Teach yourself to eat well, sleep well, go to work and be your best, and then participate in extracurricular activities that keep you active, and engaged. This is how your parents tried to make you a successful and responsible adult, someone that they could be proud of. Now it is up to you to do all of those things to make yourself someone that YOU could be proud of!

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Green Kale Smoothie and Coffee to start my day 🙂

 

New Year, New Blog: The Blame Game, a Reflection of the Past Year and the Year to come

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Over the past year of 2016, I have not been so good with the frequency of my blog posts. I was even in the middle of writing my 12 Days of Fitmas this past December, and I didn’t finish it. There are several reasons for this, but there really isn’t a point in going through my various excuses. However, I did make a promise to myself last weekend during New Years Eve, that I would be more committed to my blog this year. Whether or not I follow through with this New Years resolution is completely up to me, and no matter what crazy stuff life throws at me, at the end of the day I have made a commitment to myself and to this blog. “Life” cannot be used as an excuse for anyone to not be able to achieve their goals, because bad things happen to everyone. Life is hard for everyone. Life harder for some more than others, but at the end of the day you can’t let yourself become a victim of circumstance. You can never give up on yourself, even if it seems utterly hopeless at first. Why? Because it doesn’t mean it has to stay that way!

The past year of 2016, for the most part has been deemed “a bad year,” by a lot of people on social media. I’ve seen so many memes, and songs made up about how 2016 took more things from us, than it gave us, and basically how they were so excited for 2016 to be over. This got me thinking… I wouldn’t say that 2016 was the worst year ever, at least not for me personally. There were a lot of good things that happened in 2016, some bad things for sure, but mostly 2016 was a year of a lot of change for me. If anything, 2016 was a very stressful year for me. I had to make a lot of hard decisions, and adjustments. I learned a lot, and I’m still learning. Change is good, and I’m happy so far with how things have been going. I feel as though I’m on the right path. But that doesn’t change that fact that change is also very hard. However, going through all of this change in my life and learning all these new things, has not changed some of my core values. This is why I am still so committed to this blog. Fitness, and health still matter so much to me, and so does helping other people. These things all make me so happy, and I cannot give those up no matter what is happening in my life. I’ve realized this past year even more so, how valuable working out and eating well is to me. This is because for a while during the summer I was living in this limbo between my Mississauga life, and the new life I’ve been trying to create in Toronto. I’m still in the process of forming my life in Toronto, but at least I’m fully situated in the city, and I am now better able to commit to my workouts and my regular diet.

Having a consistent workout regime, and a balanced diet can really help you have a better handle of the stress that life throws at you. I’ve learned that in the past for sure, and sometimes I forget, we’re all human, but I always remember how I was better organized, and prepared for life when I had a schedule, and consistent workouts. I felt like the best version of myself when I had fully committed myself to my own happiness. When I was properly taking care of myself by sleeping properly, working out regularly, preparing my own meals, and holding myself accountable to my schedule/workload, I was able to do more things than I ever could imagine! That doesn’t mean that I forgot about my loved ones, heck no! I could never do that! If anything I felt like I was better able to be there for the people I loved because I was so positive in my own life.

What I’m trying to say to all of you is this, since it’s a new year, put 2016 to bed. Stop blaming everyone else for the terrible things that may have happened last year. Accept that not everything in life went the way you hoped it would, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change the future. The future is always bright, and change is always good! It may not always seem like that at first, but good things will always find their way out of a seemingly terrible situation. The key is to not fall victim to the situations that happen in life, but to learn from them. You must hold onto your values, and the things that make you the most happy and proud to be the person you are. Take these things, and use them to guide you through sticky situations, and to help you find the positives in what may seem like a desperate situation.

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My first awkward workout selfie of the New Year!! LOL 

Why going to the gym simply isn’t enough…

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Last week I was training shoulders, and the facility I was training in had their cable machines facing the group fitness studio. The entire time that I was facing the group fitness studio, which was about 20 or so minutes tops, there was a girl in the studio laying on her stomach playing on her phone. She obviously had no real plans of working out, but she went through the trouble of changing into her gym clothes anyway… Sound familiar?

Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when you’ll be resting in between sets for over a minute, and maybe during that time you’ll be answering a text or something. But there should be no reason why you would be on the phone playing around for 20 minutes if you really had the intention of getting a solid workout in, right? Now this is a very obvious form of wasted time at the gym, and I don’t need to further explain how that is… However, in this post I will discuss how not following a specific training program in the gym is just as much of a waste of time as sitting around texting. I have come across way too many people in the gym who have no real idea what they’re doing! I’m not just talking about how people mis-use equipment because that’s another story, but how so many people come into the gym with no real plan of action. A lot of people say that they’re just “gonna do what they feel like,” or they may know what body part they want to do, but they choose the exercises on a whim, and they guess at how many reps they should perform, and how much weight is appropriate. The list goes on… Yet they wonder why they’re not seeing results? And because they’re not getting very far with their fitness, they slowly stop showing up and the gym. Eventually their gym key fob is a relic that never gets used. It’s sad really, because this could all be avoided if they put some thought behind their workouts before hand.

Think about it! How are you supposed to get anywhere with your fitness goals if you don’t have a plan of action, or a recipe to follow to get you there? If you were trying to bake a chocolate cake, but you have no culinary schooling, you’re not a pastry chef, what is the likely hood of you being able to make this cake without any sort of recipe or direction? You are most likely going to fail…The same is true with your fitness goals. I mean, I’m a personal trainer, and competitive bodybuilder, and I ALWAYS have my training split printed out and on hand EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO TO THE GYM!! I like having it on paper rather than staring at my phone trying to read it. I print out two copies, I keep one at home and one in my gym bag just in case I lose one. I always know what I’m doing in the gym, how many reps to do, what weights to use, and so on. Having a plan, having a strong purpose every time you step into the gym, will only make your goals that much more realistic. How do you think I could go from 8th place Bikini to 2nd place Figure in 11 months? How do you think I was so successful with my reverse diet from my last show? I had a well thought out plan to follow. I had clear direction, and because of this, I was able to be consistent with my diet and workouts. What does this all spell? Success. In order to be successful you need to have a purpose, or a plan, and then you need to be consistent in executing this plan.

Now, this may seem very overwhelming, and you may be thinking, well how the heck do I figure out what to do in the gym? Well first of all, this is when a trainer or coach definitely comes in handy. They can teach you a lot about training, how to workout in a way that is specific to your goals, and ultimately they will give you a plan to follow so that you can be consistent in the gym so you can see results. Everybody wants to see results, and everybody wants to be successful. This is why it is so important to seek help, when you really don’t know how to be successful. Even if you have an idea of how to train, getting a coach will only take you to the next level. I’m a trainer with an athletic background and I still have a coach. Sydney Crosby has several coaches and trainers… So if you somehow think you’re above getting training from someone, even in the short-term, you couldn’t be more wrong.

However, I do understand that training is expensive. So, here is my suggestion. Attend small group training sessions, or group fitness classes. When I first got into fitness, way back in my second year of university, I was very intimidated by the gym. I had never really worked out with gym equipment before. I was a dancer, cheerleader, and before that I did skating. I was more comfortable in the studio, than in the regular gym. So, I would schedule a group fitness class into my school schedule every day. Monday- Friday I did a fitness class, and most Saturdays as well. This is how I lost my “freshman 15” and basically how I caught the fitness bug. This is where it all began for me. When I would schedule the fitness classes, I would try to alternate a sculpt or muscle class with a cardio class. I tried my best to create some sort of balance in my schedule. There was a method behind my madness, don’t just pick random classes to go to, try to create some consistency in your training. That way you can actually measure whether or not you’re improving. If you go to the same classes every week, your workouts will be fairly consistent, and you can therefore measure your results. There are also bootcamp programs, and small group training programs run by different trainers that will also help to give you some motivation and consistency in your workouts. Usually these programs are smaller than typical group fitness classes, and therefore you will get a lot more focus from the trainer to make sure that you’re executing the exercises properly.

If classes really aren’t your thing, you can find programs in books, and online. The problem with that is, is that you have no one really teaching you how to perform the exercises. You also don’t have anyone to hold you accountable. When you attend group fitness classes or small group training classes, you create relationships with other people, and those people motivate you to keep showing up. That’s the beauty behind the classes, there’s a sense of comradery. And well, there’s someone there to make sure you don’t kill yourself! If you’re not experienced in the gym, your chances of being successful without some guidance from a trainer, or a class instructor are slim to none. You must have a plan, you must have consistency in your workouts. The better the plan, the better chances of success. Stop wasting your time “doing what you feel like” in the gym, what you “feel like” probably isn’t what you need to be successful in your fitness goals. Don’t throw your new found resolutions down the toilet just yet! Get a plan, and stick to it!

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A photo of me battling for first place at my last show… I’m in the middle 😉 Excited to hit the stage again this summer for Miami Beach and Provincials! 

 

I Hope Your New Year’s Resolutions Came From Love

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I hope your New Year’s Resolutions came from love, a love for yourself. Even if you haven’t made a resolution or set any goals for yourself yet this year, when you do, I hope that is comes from a place of love. Why? Well there are many reasons, but mostly because there is nothing more genuine than true love. Instead of sleeping last night, I was thinking about all the things that I’ve accomplished or done in the past, and then I was thinking about all the things that I have planned in the future, and then it hit me! All of the positive things that I’ve done in life have come from love. Let me explain…

As I’ve grown up I’ve learned to really love myself. I’ve learned that I am the most important person in MY life, and that if I don’t truly love myself, then how can I expect others to? Now I know this sounds so cliche, but hear me out! When you truly love someone, you only want the best for that person. You want to see them happy, and you want to see them succeed. However, many of us don’t truly love ourselves, and because of this, none of us really reach our full potential. When you stop loving yourself, you stop trusting yourself, you pretty much lose your sense of self-worth. When this happens, you no longer think that you’re capable of accomplishing much of anything, so you set your standards pretty low. You hold yourself back from really doing anything, and void yourself of being truly happy. WHY?!?! Why is it that we are so much more willing to help someone else achieve happiness than ourselves? It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. I honestly believe that if you are in a healthy relationship with yourself, then you can really have healthy relationships with other people. Plus, once you’re in a healthy relationship with yourself, you will start to treat yourself better, and heighten your sense of self-worth. Once you’ve started doing that you will start to expect more from yourself, and the people around you.

Which leads me to what I was saying about setting goals for yourself out of love. Your goals need to come from a positive place, and they most definitely must mean something to you. For example, if you have any fitness goals for yourself, you can’t say “I need to lose weight cause I’m ugly and fat.” That is not coming from a place of love, you need to set goals for yourself because you feel as though you deserve better. You need to believe that you think you’re better than the life you’ve been leading, and you deserve to be happier. So, if your goal is to lose weight, then it should be because you don’t like the way you feel anymore, and you know that you deserve to be happy, healthy, and to feel good in your own skin. Instead of cutting yourself down before you set out to make a New Year’s Resolution, you should instead be working to build yourself up! It is much more motivating to carry out your goals if you honestly believe that you deserve them, and that someday they will be yours. It is hard to believe those things if you’re constantly bringing yourself down. You are your worst enemy, but you don’t have to be! You can be your best asset!

As I’ve mentioned above, you are the most important person in your life! Only you will truly reap the benefits of your hard work, and only you will suffer from not achieving your goals. You create your own happiness, and your happiness can only come from a true love for yourself. If you learn to love yourself, you will learn to trust yourself, and you will then push yourself to be more, achieve more, and love more. Your life will only start to improve, once you start improving the relationship with yourself. The next time you want to cut yourself down, don’t! Focus on the positives! Think about how far you’ve come! It is hard to do, but you must always tell yourself that this is temporary, you can only get better from here.

I would not have been able to accomplish all that I have so far if I didn’t have a love for myself. I would not have been able to get through some of the rough patches of my life, if I did not have a good relationship with myself, and the people around me. All the goals that I set out for myself last year, as well as this year come from a place of love. I love to body build, it makes me happy. I love fitness, it is my life, so I’ve made it my career. I love connecting with people, so I’m writing this blog. I want to win, because I know that I deserve to win! I want to be happy, because I deserve to be happy, and right now I know that I could be so much more than I am right now. That is how I set my goals, and my standards for myself. It comes from a place of love, I love these things, and I love myself, so I push myself to be better at the things that bring me the most joy. I am constantly pushing myself to want more, and to be more, because I know I can. The only reason that I know this, is because I have formed a good relationship with myself over the years. It takes time, and my relationship with myself is always being tested, but at the end of the day, nobody knows yourself more than you do. It is up to you to either build yourself up, or to break yourself down. So my wish for you is to build yourself up! Set positive goals for yourself that come from a genuine place called love. You should always want more for yourself, just like you do for your loved ones. If they deserve the best things in life, well so do you!

 

Day 12 of the Twelve Days of Fitmas: How do I change my Mentality? How do I get into Fitness?

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It’s Boxing Day! And today is the last day of the 12 Days of Fitmas! New Years Eve is coming up soon, and I know that this is the time of year where we reflect on the year past, and plan for the year ahead. A lot of us make New Years Resolutions, or set goals for ourselves. And some of us say they don’t bother making resolutions because they never stick to them anyway… Well who’s fault is that? It is your responsibility to hold yourself accountable to achieving your goals, whatever they may be! There are people out there who can help hold you accountable, and guide you to achieving your goals, but at the end of the day, it needs to come from you.

This leads me to today’s post. Last weekend, I was at a Christmas party for one of the gyms that I train at, and I was asked by one of the members, “how do I change my mentality? How do I get into fitness?” She was genuinely interested in knowing my “why” behind my motivation to stay fit. This is a question that I get many times over. Most people hate working out, they simply don’t enjoy it, or they would love to try it, but are completely intimidated by it. Fitness is hard work, and I am completely aware that I am one of the very few people that will put themselves through a beating in the gym on a daily basis and enjoy it!

However, absolutely no one can change your mentality towards fitness, they can only influence your way of thinking, but they cannot convince you completely. You need to find a reason, your “why,” and it has to mean something to you in order for you to be motivated to do something about it. It needs to matter to you, it needs to matter to you so much that fitness becomes a non-negotiable. It becomes something that is so much a part of your life, that it becomes a part of your daily routine, like brushing your teeth.

You would never think twice about whether or not you need to brush your teeth, and most people don’t feel the need the question why they brush their teeth (unless they’re under 6 years old). We know that brushing our teeth is important to our hygiene, and our overall physical health. I would argue that fitness is just as important to your physical health as brushing your teeth. Not to mention the mental health benefits as well! I think the main reason why most people give up so easily, is because it “feels like a lot of work, with not a lot of immediate results.” I think most people want the pounds to just melt away the second they touch a dumbbell! In addition, fitness hurts. I’ve had clients that would freak out the second they felt “the burn” and thought that they need to stop the exercise because they suddenly felt pain! A lot of people (believe it or not) don’t realize that they need to push past the burn in order to create real change in their body. This is hard to do if you’ve never done it before, it is really hard to put yourself through physical pain on a daily basis.

So why do I do it everyday? Maybe I’m crazy? I probably am… but either way I will share with you my “why,” and it has definitely changed over the years. I’ve changed fitness goals as I’ve evolved within the industry, but the core of why I love fitness so much has never changed. Fitness is so important to me because I love the way it makes me feel. Fitness, weight training, bodybuilding, makes me feel more capable. It empowers me and makes me feel as if I am capable of doing anything! I appreciate the challenge, the discipline of it. Fitness makes me a better person in all aspects of my life. Fitness elevates me as a person, the discipline, and mental toughness that it takes to push yourself through a tough workout, and the confidence you get from achieving your goals can be applied to the rest of your life. Bodybuilding gives me focus. I am more focused, organized, and driven than I have ever been in my life and that is because I have devoted my life to fitness. Your whole mindset is more positive and productive after a workout, and that is why I workout everyday.

It is never a question for me. Just like brushing my teeth, I have chosen to make my fitness a non-negotiable. After I brush my teeth I feel better, just like after I do my workout I feel better. You never regret a workout after you’ve done it, unless you’ve injured yourself. I don’t feel like myself if I’m not active, I lose a bit of my identity, motivation, and self-confidence. And that is why I love fitness, and that is why I workout. It is more for me than just improving my health, or looking good. Fitness is so important to me because it has given more gifts than I can count, being healthy and looking good are just some of the benefits! So, when planning your New Years Resolutions, and if you’re serious about them, think of why you want them so much? Why is it so important to you to achieve these goals? How would it impact or improve your life? It needs to be important and it needs to matter to you so much for you to want to do anything about it. If it’s something that you think “can wait,” or you think maybe that “it would be nice,” but you’re not really sure why, then you’ve already decided that you’re not going to stick to your resolutions, and no one can help you with that.

Me and some of my favorite people hitting our favorite pose of the day at my show this past October 10th 2015. So excited for my upcoming shows in 2016! Can’t wait to share in the celebrations of hard work with these people again ❤10456008_10156177728015285_6696787296310393759_n

 

The Importance of Goal Setting: Living your life with intention and purpose

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Ever since I started my prep I’ve been reading, and the last few books I’ve read were: “Leave your Mark” By Aliza Licht, “Total Recall, My Unbelievably True Life Story” By Arnold Schwarzenegger, and “#Girlboss” by Sophia Amoruso. I’ve read more, but these are the most recent. All of the books I’ve read had similar themes. They all talked about their success stories, and how they became the awesomely successful people that they are today. I found these books to not only be highly motivating, and entertaining, but educational, and informative. These books helped to drive me towards setting myself up for my own success, not only with my prep for my latest show, but for my career as well.

To be completely honest, at the beginning of this year leading up to the summer I felt a little lost and unhappy with how things were going for me, especially in my career. I lost a lot of my confidence in myself as a Fitness Professional, and there are many reasons for this happening, but the main reason being that I was not (and still am not) making a heck of a lot of money. Because of this, I cannot be independent yet financially and it really, really blows! This is no body’s fault but my own. I put myself in situations, and jobs that were not paying me what I deserved, but also didn’t challenge me the way that your career should. I wouldn’t say that I’m completely happy now, but I am definitely more confident, focused, and driven! It was through my prep, my friends and family, and basically investing more in myself, that I found my confidence, focus and drive. I found myself again! I’ve been investing in my physical fitness for a while at this point, but not my education, or my career like I should have been. I realized in the new year that I was unhappy with my career, and I knew that I wanted more. The problem was I was afraid, and didn’t know how. It took me a lot of self-reflection, encouragement from friends and family, reading,blogging, and obviously bodybuilding LOL that helped me find my passions again! I found my purpose again, I found my WHY!

Once you have found your why, your dream, or main goal in life. as I have learned from reading the above books, it is now your job to make those happen! I have always been a highly motivated and driven person. I can honestly say, without trying to toot my own horn, that I am one of the hardest working people out there! Once I’m passionate about something, I will do anything to earn it! I knew I was passionate about bodybuilding and I already had goals set out for myself this year which was to win at the KWO Show. I set my sights on this show 11 months prior, and literally everything I did leading up to the show was in preparation to walk away with a top three placing, and to qualify for Provincials. When I got to the show, I wasn’t nervous like I was the first time. This is because I planned for it, and I planned to win. I knew in my heart that I was walking away with a prize that day, and I did. I placed second! I did everything I set out to do! The trick for me was to start applying the same hard work, discipline, and passion that I have for this sport back into my career. And here is where the meat and potatoes of this blog post come in!

Once you have your purpose, or the big dream that you want to achieve you need to make sure that it is well-known. You can never forget your purpose, because if you do, you will leave yourself feeling like I did. Lost, scared, unhappy, and unmotivated. So tell the world your intentions! This makes your goals real. The more you talk about your dreams, the more real they become. I told anyone and everyone who would listen to me about bodybuilding LOL My goals in the sport, my training, my coaching, my dieting. You cannot shut me up when it comes to this sport! Haha And recently I’ve been the same way when it comes to my blog. My main goal in life/career (same thing) is to motivate and inspire others to better themselves through health and fitness. I am so passionate about health and fitness! It is literally my life! It is all I do, it is all I talk about, it is who I am! Legit, ask anyone who knows me. I take my own health and fitness very seriously, because I love the way that it empowers me, and I genuinely want to inspire others to make fitness more a part of their lives for that very reason.

That is step one! I literally just demonstrated it right here on this blog. Set out your goals, set out your purest of intentions. Write them down, tell the world, and make them real! Once you know what makes you happy, you now have a purpose, and once you have a purpose, you have direction. Now you know what to do, because now that you know your ultimate goal, everything you do everyday should be a step towards the bigger picture. I’ve learned through reading these books (and I guess I’ve always known, just re-affirmed through reading) that there is no off day when it comes to being successful. If you really want something you need to live and breathe it everyday. It becomes a part of who you are, your daily routine. This is how I was so successful in Figure this year. I planned my meals, cooked, measured, and packed them everyday. I was always prepared, I did my workouts everyday. I did not miss a beat! Now that I have re-discovered my career goals/passions I’ve been treating these goals the same as my bodybuilding goals. I write them down, and I talk about them on a daily basis, I talk about the daily successes and failures to anyone who will listen LOL I talk a lot by the way, probably why I have so much material for a blog lol so many feelings!

The reasoning behind this is, is that it keeps me focused. I never forget what I want or what’s important to me. Not everyone will need to discuss their lives as much as I do. I am just a highly social, extroverted person. I get my energy from others, so when I need a jolt of energy to keep me going, I socialize and talk out my life. Now you can’t just talk the talk and not walk the walk. Like I said before, if you really want something, you need to live and breathe it everyday. It needs to become a part of who you are, and your everyday life. If I want to make a career inspiring others through fitness, I need to keep up my own personal fitness, and nutrition everyday (check! I already do that), and I need to reach out to people in some way everyday. More recently, I have now started treating my business the same way as I have treated my bodybuilding prep. I have even continued the same discipline I had for prep into my off-season so far and it feels so great! This hard work and discipline is a major theme I’ve found in all the books I’ve read as well. If you really want to be a #Bossgirl you need to put in the work! So, now I create daily/weekly and even monthly goals. To do lists if you will. Tasks, that I need to get done everyday or else my day is not over. For example, during my show prep there were certain things I needed to get done everyday in order to be ready for the stage like early morning fasted cardio, my weight training, post workout cardio, eating 6 meals a day, and meal prepping everyday so that I am never stuck without diet food. As I’ve mentioned before in my posts, if you’re not prepared then you are prepared to fail! So when it comes to my career goals, I’ve told myself that these are some things that I need to do everyday: workout, and 25 minutes of cardio a day, meal prep and plan out meals to meet calorie goals everyday, post on social media everyday (create a better network to help further my future business/personal goals), read something everyday (personal and professional development), when I’m teaching and training clients I must be completely engaged. There are more things, these are just the more consistent daily goals. There are other goals I set for myself each day regarding my business but I don’t want to make this article too long. Then I have weekly career goals like: post at least two blog posts a week, and make at least one video a week (this one is new). There are more goals, but basically everyday, every week, every month I am working towards building my blog, boosting my visitors and views, building my network, creating my brand, and growing my business.

Reading the above books, has awakened this belief that I once had that if you keep knocking on the right doors someone is bound to answer! If you stay focused, persistent, and positive, good things are bound to come your way! You need to know what you want, and then figure out how and what you need to do to get there, and do those things literally everyday, all the time. People may think you’re crazy, or obsessed LOL And maybe you are! Haha But if it makes you happy? Then who the fuck cares?!?! Bodybuilding makes me so happy, fitness makes me so happy! Do you honestly think I care that I am the only one of my friends who actually enjoys it as much as I do? No! I did not care that much that I was the only one dieting at the Way Home Music Festival this past summer… I mean it was fucking hard, and it sucked at times but I wanted to win my show so bad that I didn’t care what people thought of me. I just got it done, cause I knew that’s what I had to do. It’s the same type of attitude that I have re-kindled towards my career and the rest of my life! I have found my fire and I will be damned if someone tries to put me out! When I did this last show prep, I was determined to make it mean something. I could not half-ass the work, I could not just say “Hey! Look at me! I’m doing a show. Go me!” And not make anything come of it…l literally couldn’t afford that… legit I could NOT AFFORD THAT! In every sense of the word! It is the exact same for me right now when it comes to my career… I CANNOT AFFORD TO FAIL! THIS ALL HAS TO MEAN SOMETHING! I know that this is where I belong, I know that this is my passion, and I am more fired up than ever to make it happen. I have put out my purest intentions out into the universe, now it is up to me to make my dreams real. You get what you give, so if you want it all, you need to give it your all. Simple as that. I want the world… I want to make fitness a career. So, everyday I treat my workouts, my diet, my blog, everything I do as if I am being paid to do it, because one day I want to be paid for this. So if I want to make that a reality, I need to take it seriously. Just like I take myself as an athlete seriously, I need to take the rest of my life seriously as well.

Don’t be afraid to believe in yourself! Take yourself seriously, take your dreams seriously and make them real! Live everyday with purpose. As if you’re already living the life you want to have. It will make you feel so much more empowered, confident, and happy to know that you are doing everything in your power to make your dreams a reality. It is so satisfying and rewarding to know that one day all your hard work will be rewarded, but the first step is believing. You have to know this in the pit of your stomach, and then all the work that comes after, becomes a labor of the purest love. This is something I’ve recently learned (again) and it has helped me so much!

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Me at my last show October 10th 2015 where I placed second in the Figure Tall category. One of the many cheesy photos we took post show. One of the best days of my life! All my hard work paid off just like I knew it would because I planned for it/worked for it.