Over the past weeks I’ve really been battling with various forms of negative behavior from various people all around me, and it really got me thinking about how exhausting negativity can be! Being negative, fearful, and/or hurtful to yourself and to others is like having an anvil strapped to your ankle, you’re sinking because of it, and pulling those who you care about the most down with you. Negativity sucks! LITERALLY! It’s like a Dementor (Harry Potter reference) sucking the life out of you, and everyone who really cares for you.
The more negative your are as a person, the more isolated and alone you become. This is why I am writing this blog post, because I truly believe that nobody really wants to be alone… At least not always and forever! So, here we go! I’ve touched on this subject a bit when I’ve talked about falling into a slump, or feeling lost and confused. However, this post is about when you’re down in the dumps and you’re having a hard time getting out. This is a wake up call from yours truly! We all go through hard times, but you can choose whether or not you’re going to be the victim of hard times or the victor… Which leads me to my first point:
- Playing the Victim: This gets old real fast, and to be honest pity will not get you anywhere in life. Yes, sometimes real terrible things happen to us, and sometimes it takes a long time to heal. I understand that! Especially, if there’s been some emotional, psychological, or even physical trauma. Some things just never really go away! However, how you choose to deal with these situations, not only speak to the strength of your character, but it will have a dramatic affect on your life. But tragedies aside, there are way too many people out there that use their past as an excuse for their current behavior. At some point, you need to make peace with your past and move on! Constantly bringing up the past, and how hard your life has been, or how wronged you’ve been in the past, will not change it. We cannot change whatever may have happened to you. The only thing that can be done really, is to find some sort of closure, and move on! Some things are harder to overcome than others, so if you need help, seek it out! There are plenty of resources out there to help you deal with your past, so use them! Because when you’re stuck in the past, you can never move forward, and eventually you’ll start to feel like everyone is bypassing you in life, and you’re just stuck in one place. Negativity feeds negativity, so if you’re constantly holding onto your hurt, and pain, you will only cause yourself more hurt and pain…
- Stop Comparing yourself to others!! Envy is a really ugly thing. When you’re envious, it means that you want what someone else has, and you resent them for having it in the first place. When you start comparing yourself to others, and saying things like, “Why can’t I have what she/he has? What makes them so special? I swear I’m so much better than them, why do they have it so easy?” The only thing you’re doing is punishing yourself for not being good enough. You’re telling yourself that you suck, and that everyone else is better than you because their Instagram and Facebook profiles tell you so. Their lives seem so much more glamorous, because they’re in Europe drinking wine by the bottle, and you’re sitting at home in sweats “liking” their photos while talking shit behind their backs about how they even got to Europe in the first place… “Of course she’s in Europe LOL her daddy pays for everything… wish I had parents like that!” WHY?!?! What is the point?! Is doing this going to get you to Europe? NO! When was the last time you spoke to this person? Do you really know what their life is like? Probably not, and even if you had any idea, is it really your business? NO! Sulking about how other people have what you don’t have will NEVER get you what you want! And at the end of the day, you sound like a spoiled brat LOL So stop it already! If you really want something, you need to go out and get it! Believe that you can have the things you want, that you deserve to be happy, and stop thinking that you suck! Easier said than done I know, but if you start to visualize and create goals for yourself, then start working towards the things you want, it gives you a sense of confidence and purpose. When we have a purpose in our lives, we have less time to think about what other people are doing! This will make you a happier person, and who knows?!?! Maybe somebody else is on your Instagram thinking the very same thing you used to think about someone else!
- Self-loathing, this ties into my last point about envy. Generally people who are envious of others are not happy with themselves. They don’t like themselves very much, so they punish themselves by comparing themselves to others, telling themselves that they’re not good enough, that they’ll never amount to anything, and that they will never be happy. Why? Well people who don’t like themselves ultimately believe that they don’t deserve any of those things. Please stop hating yourself so much! You are your own worst enemy and if you want love, and if you want happiness, you need to start with yourself! Hating yourself only causes you more pain, and loneliness. Let me tell you something, everyone on this earth has a purpose, we are all meant to be here! You mean something to someone, believe that! How do you expect to get anywhere in life if you keep cutting yourself down? By hating who you are, you are putting yourself in a corner, and keeping yourself there so no one will notice you. People will pass you by, which will only make you feel more angry and resentful towards yourself, and others. This just isolates you more, and has you sinking further and further away from the people you love and the things in life that you want most. You need to start treating yourself like a human being! Self-deprivation and self loathing is not positive or productive. Telling yourself that you’re fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, will not make you thinner, prettier, or smarter. And if you’re constantly saying these things to yourself, you are only making it more OK for someone else to call you these things! Plus if you treat yourself like shit, what’s stopping someone else from doing the same to you? If you want the best, then you need to start first, by treating yourself like you deserve the best. YOU are the most important person in YOUR life, so please treat yourself that way! That is the only way that you will have success in anything you do, including your relationships!
- This quote from John Lennon leads me to my next point about fear. Fear is not a behavior, it is an emotion that ultimately impacts our behavior negatively. Fear actually causes us to participate in all the behaviors listed above. It is our fear of inadequacy, of love/intimacy. of failure, whatever, these fears lead us to loneliness, and unhappiness. Ultimately, our fears create this self-fulling proficy where what we fear the most ends up being what manifests in our lives. If we keep focusing on the negative, and what scares us the most, then those are the things that will happen to us. This just reinforces our fears, and our negative beliefs about ourselves, and the world we live in. If you’re tired of feeling like shit, and living a life that makes you unhappy, then you need to let go of a lot of your fears. It is OK to be scared, we’re human after all! But you need to use your fears to drive you, not hold you down. Again this is easier said than done! If you’re finding that you’re having a lot of trouble letting go of your fears, there are plenty of resources out there that can help! I am a major advocate of reaching out for help when you need it most! There is no shame in admitting that you can’t do something on your own. Again, we’re human! We are not made perfect, and we don’t know everything! And chances are, if you’re unhappy, and have been unhappy for a while, you probably don’t have the tools you need to get out of it. That’s OK! Mentors, coaches, therapists, trainers, counsellors, these are all people who exist to help elevate you as a person, use them! They are professionals that are trained to help you! They can help you find the tools you need to get you out of your funk, and to help prevent you from slipping back into a depression or slump in the future!
- Which brings me to my very last two behaviors that keep you from happiness, and those are shame and guilt. I grouped these two together because they really do feed into one another. Actually, all of these emotions, and behaviors listed above feed into one another. They all come from fear, they fester in our brains, and grow like bacteria, until fear and this sort of behavior is all that we know. It’s sad really, and it happens way too often. Fear turns you into an ugly person from the inside that nobody wants to be around. Fear, and the behaviors that come from it, isolate you, prevent you from having meaningful relationships, from being successful, and ultimately, it keeps you from being happy. Shame and guilt make you feel dirty and wrong. They force you to hide from others, and put you further into isolation. Your feelings of shame and guilt can come from anything. It could be a mistake that you made in your life that you’re still punishing yourself for. It could come from your self-loathing, where you hate who you are and where you are in your life, so you feel ashamed for not being more accomplished etc No matter where your shame and guilt come from, it only keeps you deep inside this black hole of unhappiness, fear, and regret.Shame and guilt, like self-loathing, is another form of punishment. You are punishing yourself for whatever reason, but at some point you’re going to have to accept whatever you did, or whatever happened, and forgive yourself. You will never be happy, or have the things you want, if you don’t allow yourself to. You are the beginning and the end of your own happiness. That is really what this whole post is about. You create your own happiness, just like you can create your own demise. The choice is yours.